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A blonde calls her boyfriend and says,
"Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started. " Her boyfriend
asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished? "The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger.
"Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread
all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're
not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger. " He held her hand softly, led her to a chair
and said, "Secondly, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, and then. . . . "He sighed, "let's put all these
Frosted Flakes back in the box."
********************
A blonde goes into work one morning crying
her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies,
"Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." "I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't
you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest." The blonde very calmly explains,
"No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees
and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides
to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks,
"Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?" "No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister,
and she said that HER mom died too!"
********************
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on
an island. One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough,
out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one." The brunette says, "I've been
stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home." POOF! The brunette gets her wish
and she is returned to her family. Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my
husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too." POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family. The
blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?" The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends
were still here."
********************
A blond was driving along a country road, listening to the radio.
The D.J. was telling blonde jokes one after the other, and she got extremly pissed off and turned of the radio. She continued
down the road, and in a field she saw another blond in a canoe trying to row across the field. She stopped and got out of
the car, and yelled across to the other blond, "It's Blondes like you who make everyone think I'm stupid. If I could swim,
I'd come out there and give you a piece of my mind!"
********************
There was a blonde, a brunette,
and a red head. They were all builders and they were working on a sky-scraper. They always ate lunch on the top of the building.
The brunette always had a ham sandwich for her lunch, The red head always had a cheese sandwich, and the blonde always had
a turkey sandwich. One day they all got sick of always having the same thing to eat everyday, so they made a deal. They all
said that if they brought the same sandwich they usually bring, they would have to jump off of the top of the building. The
next day, the blonde was found dead on the ground by the building. The husbands of the three builders were there and they
started to talk. The red head's husband said to the other two men, "I packed my wife a peanut butter and jelly j so she wouldn't
jump off." The husband of the brunette said to the other two men, "I packed my wife a turkey sandwich so she wouldnt jump
off." They both looked at the wife of the blonde and he said:" Don't look at me, my wife packs her own lunch!"
********************
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A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked,
"How is much is this TV?" The salesman said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a brunette.
She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a red head and
asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don''t sell to blondes."
She replied, " I came in here as a brunette
and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
"Because that is not a TV, it''s a microwave."
********************
Why did the blonde nurse take a red magic
marker to work? In case she had to draw some blood.
********************
How can you tell a blond has been
working at a computer?
There is white out all over the screen.
********************
Once a blonde went
to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring.
It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it." The librarian says to the other librarian,
"So here is the person who took our phone book!"
********************
How do blondes' braincells die?
Alone.
********************
A
guy took his girlfriend to the movies. During the pre-views, she asked him if he would go and buy her some M & Ms. When
he returned with her candy, she opened the bag, picked out all the brown ones and threw them away. "What did you do that for?"
he asked her. "I'm allergic to chocolate!" she replied.
********************
One day 2 blondes walked into
a tanning salon. One blonde said, " A tan for 2 please!" The cashier said, " Ok," filled out a form for them and asked, "are
you two sisters?" They chuckled and replied, " No, we aren't even Catholic."
********************
A blonde
began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing
by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. The blonde approached
and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same
spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The girl hesitated, then
said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, the blonde then asked, "Why are you standing
here all alone?" "Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"
********************
Why
did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? From crawling across the street when the sign said, ''DON'T WALK.''
********************
Q:
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear ?
A: Data transfer.
********************
There
was blonde who wanted to go on a diet. She went to the doctor and asked for his advice. He said that she was going to go on
a diet for three days "Eat anything and everything you want for the first two days of your diet. Then skip the third day."
So the blonde went home and ate anything and everything she wanted for the first two days, then she skipped the third day.
The next day she went back to the doctor and he asked her, "How is your diet?" She said, "Well, the first two days were easy
but that third day was hard. Doing all that skipping made me really tired."
********************
Q: Why
did the blonde get pulled over by the police?
A: Her headlights weren't working, so she
was flashing people.
********************
A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly,
so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?" The
blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"
The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"
********************
How do you know
when a blonde's been sending e-mail? Envelopes in the disk drive.
********************
Why did the blonde
get fired from the M&M factory? Because she threw out all the W's.
********************
How does a blonde
kill a fish? She tries to drown it!
********************
Q: What's the advantage of having a blonde as a
girlfriend?
A: You get to park in handicapped zones.
********************
She
is so blonde that, when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said “Airport Left,” she turned around and
went back home.
********************
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw
it back.
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