Misc Songs

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Song By: Bryan Adams

Remade By: DJ Sammy

"Heaven"

Oh - thinkin' about all our younger years
There was only you and me
We were young and wild and free

Now nothin' can take you away from me
We've been down that road before
But that's over now

You keep me comin' back for more
Baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms

I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart

It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart

It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven
Oh - once in your life you find someone
Who will turn your world around

Bring you up when you're feelin' down
Ya - nothin' could change what you mean to me
Oh there's lots that I could say
But just hold me now
Cause our love will light the way

[Chorus]
I've bin waitin' for so long
For somethin' to arrive
For love to come along
Now our dreams are comin' true
Through the good times and the bad
Ya - I'll be standin' there by you.

Lazyboy

"Underwear Goes Inside The Pants"

Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It’s a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
Do you know what’s not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That’s not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We’re dedicating all our medical
resources to keeping the old guys erect,
but we’re putting people in jail for
something that grows in the dirt?
You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can’t watch TV for four minutes
without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: “Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?”
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it.
Half the time I don’t even know what the commercial is…
people running in fields or flying kites
or swimming in the ocean.
I’m like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.

The schools now… It is all about
self-esteem in the schools now.
Build the kids’ self-esteem,
make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What’s going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don’t just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty
way to describe what these guys do, don’t you think?
They’re not masterminds.
“OK, you take bomb, right?
And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?”
“Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can’t I just…”
“Who’s the f*cking mastermind here? Me or you?”

Americans, let’s face it:
We’ve been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?

Obesity. They say we’re in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio.
Like we’ll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
“How’d you get through it grandpa?”
“Oh, it was horrible Johnny,
there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere.”

Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.
I’ll sit at a drive thru.
I’ll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, super sized.
Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large.
You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel
you fat mother f*cker. There’s room in the back. Take it!
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that?
It’s only three more cents.

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school,
do you think there’d be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass before you start to think,
“You’ll see. I’m going to take of the world of computers! I’ll show them.”

We’re in one of the richest countries in the world,
but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then
I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that’s what I’m going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor b*stard.
People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they’re just going to waste it.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do?
Save it up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack?
He’s homeless.
I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looks right at the homeless guy
and says why don’t you go get a job you bum.
People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.
This homeless guy was wearing
his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants.
I’m guessing his resume isn’t all up to date.
I’m predicting some problems during the interview process.
I’m pretty sure even McDonalds has a
“underwear goes inside the pants” policy.
Not that they enforce it really strictly,
but technically I’m sure it is on the books.

Song By: Mariah Carey, Joe, and 98 Degrees

"Thank God I Found You"

I would give up everything
Before I'd separate
Myself from you
After so much suffering
I finally found unvarnished truth
I was all by myself
For the longest time
So cold inside
And the hurt from the heartache
Would not subside
I felt like dying
Until you saved my life

Thank God I found you
I was lost without you
My every wish and every dream
Somehow became reality
When you brought the sunlight
Completed my whole life
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
Cause baby I'm so thankful
I found you

I would give you everything
There's nothing in this world
I wouldn't do
To ensure your happiness
I'll cherish every part of you
Cause without you beside me
I can't survive
I don't want to try
If you're keeping me warm
Each and every night
I'll be alright
Cause I need you in my life

Thank God I found you
I was lost without you
My every wish and every dream
Somehow became reality
When you brought the sunlight
Completed my whole life
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
Cause baby I'm so thankful
I found you

See I was so desolate
Before you came to me
Looking back I guess
It shows that we were
Destined to shine
After the rain
To appreciate
The gift of what we have
And I'd go through it all over again
To be able to feel this way

Thank God I found you
I was lost without you
My every wish and every dream
Somehow became reality
When you brought the sunlight
Completed my whole life
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
Cause baby I'm so thankful
I found you

I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
My baby
I'm so thankful
I found you

Old Non-Played Songs

By: Jimmy Fallon

"Idiot Boyfriend"

I know what you want
And I know what you need
But I’m gonna screw it up, yeah
‘Cuz I’m and idiot and I’m your boyfriend yeah

I’m gonna take you out
Leave my wad at home
And then I’ll use your cell phone baby, long distance
And I’m your boyfriend

Baby I know I’m a man who’s made mistakes
I still got some learnin’ to do
I made out with your best friend the other day
And now we’re best friends too, yeah

And I know what you want
I know what you need
But I’m gonna screw it up, yeah
‘Cuz I’m and idiot and I’m your boyfriend yeah

And I’m gonna get you a gift
But its something I like too
I hope you like this Norelco Big Trimmer
It has my name on it, and I’m your boyfriend

Be-bebebebebe yeah dadadadadadada dadadadadadadadada
I’ll get real drunk and call my baby up at four o clock in the morning
I’m an idiot

(Jimmy talking)
Pick up the phone, come on, now look,
let’s get in my dad’s SUV,
we’ll go over to my house, my crib, my pad,
I’ll tell my mom to go to sleep,
and then we’ll have the living room all to ourselves you see,
I’ll put on some great DVD’s I picked up,
how about like something like The Matrix?
I can turn that boom-box up,
and make the bass snap a dime on my mom’s couch, yeah, hey baby,
you like fine cooking? ‘Cuz you know what,
I got Swanson’s dinner in the freezer with your name on it,
check it out….yeah

I got a permanent wave, yeah
I got a ogle-b home purse baby
Uh, I honk the horn,
can you honk the horn
can you honk the horn
let me hear ya honk it
Come on

Let me hear you say Uh Uh…yeah
Let me hear you say Uh Uh Uh…yeah
Let me hear you say UH UH…yeah
Let me hear you say (Jimmy moans)

Tom Green

"The Bum Bum Song"

My bum is on the rail!
Bum is on the rail!
Look at Me! My bum is on the rail!

My bum is on the man!
Bum is on the man!
It's a lot of fun to put your bum on a man!(He he he)

My bum is on the step!
Bum is on the step!
Don't fall down the step! You might hurt your bum!
A HA HA HA HA!

And that's not very fun
if you fall down and hurt your bum
I like to put my bum on things
it's fun for everyone!

My bum is on the cheese!
Bum is on the Cheese!
If i get lucky,
I'll get a disease!

My bum is on the Swedish!
Swedish!
Swedish!
Swedish!

My bum is on the gum!
Bum is on the gum!
I can blow a buble with my bum bum bum!

My bum is on the ship!
The battleship!
I hope they don't shoot the cannon in my bum
and shoot poo all over the place!
Poo poo!

Cuz that isn't very fun
when they shoot a cannon in your bum
I like to put my bum on things
it's fun for everyone!

My bum is on the dog!
My bum is on the cat!
My bum is on the phone!
My bum is all alone

The rail is all alone
The man is all alone
The Swedish is all alone
My bum is all alone

One
Two
Three
Four

My bum is all alone
My bum is all alone
My bum is all alone
My bum is all alone
My bum is all alone
My bum is all alone
My bum is all alone
My bum is all alone
My bum is all alone
My bum is all alone
My bum is all alone
My bum is all alone

Get the poo off my bum!(Get the poo off!)
I need the poo off my bum!
I gotta get the poo off my bum!(Poo poo!)

I wanna hear the cannon!
No! Let me hear the cannon!
No! No! No! No, not the loon!

Bum is alone!
Bum is alone!
Bum is alone!
Bum is alone!

I wanna hear the cannon!
I wanna hear the cannon! Not the loon!

Yeah! The cannon!
Now get the poo off my bum!
I want the poo off my bum bum!

Can I hear the loon again?